Disciplining a young mind is very tough because young minds are very sensitive and at the same time very immature. While disciplining, a single wrong move will affect the future of the child drastically. Since the young children do not know to express their feelings properly, their inability is taken as an advantage by the elders both in the family and in the society. When a person approaches the child with maturity and love then it is very easy to handle them.
In the first place, the person disciplining the child must be an emotionally stable person; else their agitated emotions will affect the child in the wrong way. The next important thing is love for children is not only to confine the child in the high class coaching centers called schools and continuously taming them for higher grades. Today’s sophisticated education can only help a person earn millions and lead a luxurious life style; it is a question whether the education they attain can make them morally stable with humility and discipline. Love and care for the child includes giving the child the right education, to see whether they are guided by the right people, to see whether they take the right food, checking their behaviour and nature and whether they mingle with the right people. It is important to see whether they understand life in the correct sense. When a person cannot understand life, he cannot be a disciplined person. You can make a child to behave forcibly according to the social norms. However, this is not morality. This can make a person respectable in the society. A respectable person when he gets the right opportunity, due to his latent impressions, tries to behave in an unpleasant way according to favourable circumstances. At the same time, a morally stable person’s behaviour is always decent and stable under all circumstances.
Disciplining should be done with love. Discipline is not suppression of emotions. If you suppress the emotions, it will pop up in a better opportunity. For most of us, disciplining is suppression, conformity and imitation of the habits of the elders. When we follow the same groove set by the elders, we do not live life with understanding. When you suppress a person there is constant battle inside that person. When you deny the emotions with sensitivity, it becomes an immense problem. Suppressed mind unable to handle pressure escape into some other problem or become neurotic. A mind which is unable to tackle a problem, as you see in this world, becomes insensitive, fearful, self-centered and brutal.
In my view, a child must be taught the consequences of a wrong action. A child should not be condemned or punished out rightly. A child must be given opportunity to learn from his mistakes. While disciplining a child, he must be given respect and treated as an equal. Nowadays the behaviour of the elders while disciplining the child is more immature than the children.
Disciplining is a common act, but it involves maturity and sensitivity; else disciplining itself will become a root cause for many sick minded people in the society.
Long time back we have forgotten humanity – a feeling of kindness and love towards the fellow humans, not for any particular reason but just for being a living being. Humanity is a natural feeling in us. Since we have forgotten humanity we have to be imposed with moral values. We are constantly comparing ourselves with others and judging ourselves based on the comparison. We identify ourselves with some values which we consider to be good and reject some set of values which we consider to be bad. In reality, there is no definite set of good or bad. What we consider as extremely bad is considered as tolerably good or sometimes very good by the passage of time. We impose a set of values on us and limit ourselves from expanding.
Morality is good since it gives a social order. A society is the reflection of its own people. If the people have morality then the society is called as the moral society. Morality is a set of rules which has to be imposed on the people because they have forgotten the humanity. Humanity is suppressed and distorted in many ways. At last, to bring social order morality has to be imposed. There is no need of morality if humanity were alive. When we have real concern for the fellow beings then there is no need for law and action or moral rules. We forget that the other humans living with us also have equal feeling and emotions like us. The idea of moral superiority has been the reason behind for many social injustices.
Morality differs from person to person, place to place, situations to situations and convenience. However humanity remains the same under all circumstances and time. Humanity makes us to expand to infinity. When we have humanity we feel the feelings and emotions of all. There is deep involvement in humanity, whereas morality limits us without any involvement with the others. Morality is only a set of do’s and don’ts. However, in today’s time it is extremely needed because without it the society will be in chaos.
Humanity brings out the divinity in a person and takes one to the core. Humanity does not have caste, creed, religion or nationality. However, morality has differences based on caste, creed, religion and nationality. What is moral in one society need not be the same in the other society. Humanity is a natural feeling. Spirituality brings out the long forgotten humanity in a person. Humanity cannot be imposed on a person. It is just bringing out our true nature. Humanity is the way of treating every one as equal and divine and accepting their shortcomings without discriminating them. Humanity liberates a person whereas morality entangles a person.
Everyone has an image about themselves irrespective of their age. Image is self made and it is subjective to change in different phases of life. Our circumstances in life, heredity, understanding about ourselves, and knowledge are the key factors which help us to form our image. Sometimes, family and the society force us to form an image. We are trained to form our image from the childhood. Once when we form our image, we always identify with that image and not with the Reality. Our personality is entirely dependent on our image. Our assumed image veils us from the Truth. We built this image for ourselves and for the society. We work hard to keep ourselves up to that image. We are forced to keep it up.
Image does not have any reality; it is only an illusion which helps us to survive. It is only a concept, idea and conclusion about us. We expect others to respect and recognize the image which we have formed about ourselves. When they fail to respect up to our expectation, there arises a conflict. We constantly compare our image with others image. If we feel that our image is better than the others image then we feel satisfied, else we feel dejected. Comparison leads to lot of problems and it is the main cause for our psychological disturbances.
When we talk to others, we actually talk to their image and not to that person in reality. A relationship is formed between the images and not between the real people. We constantly prefer to link ourselves with our image to make it alive. We perform all the actions based on that image. We mainly focus on that image thinking that the image we have formed gives us the inner security. When we have our image, we justify, condemn or identify with that image. We observe and understand the outside world only through that image. Hence, we do not view the actual facts; instead we view the facts with a tinge of our views and understanding. Only when we remove the image the mind deals with the real issues.
Image is so prominent in our life that we cannot live without this illusion called image. Our strong attachment to the image is the bondage and its detachment is liberation. We feel isolated when we do not have an image. We feel our life is meaningless and uncertain. Therefore we try hard to find our likes and dislikes and form our image based on it. Till we feel attached to our image, problem exists in life and there is always a fear. It is very difficult to get rid of that image because it is haunting us from the childhood. In my view, if we want to get rid of that image we have to observe our image as if observing a flowing river. We have to observe without the intrusion of any thoughts. Once we remove our image, we are no one other than the Consciousness. We superimpose our image on the Consciousness. Without that image each one is Consciousness in reality. It is very difficult to trace the Truth through the image. When we observe the Reality, we ignore the image automatically. Till then our image haunts us vehemently.
Life is full of happenings, either positive or negative. We call these happenings as fate. We assume and believe that an incident occurs in life according to the wish of God, who is in a faraway place, and to avoid hard times in life we have to please God with rituals and offerings. If any mistake happens in the rituals God will punish us with dire consequences. God selects a person according to his bhakti and rejects a person who is inferior in his bhakti. This is the knowledge of a common man about life and bhakti. Contrary to this belief, in our experience we witness some good people suffering and very bad people leading a very comfortable life. Witnessing these contrasts we are totally confused about the values in life. Sometimes, we even doubt the bhakti and its motive. People do not analyse the foundation of life, which is the fate; otherwise called the past impressions.
One must understand that God is a mere witness for all the happenings in life. Bhakti towards God will mould the mind in such a way that we will not have the tendency to do negative karmas in the present. At the same time, when the consequences of our past negative karmas affect our life, we do not feel its impact due to bhakti. Happenings in our life are entirely based on our karmas. “Yesterday’s actions become transmuted into today’s fate. Only if today’s deeds are pure will tomorrow’s destiny be favourable”, Mata Amiritanandamayi. The impressions of our past actions are deep in our mind. When these impressions manifest according to its maturity they influence the mind in various ways. In addition to this, if we have given mental agony to someone in the past, their mental agony will get transformed into curse. Its strength is immeasurable. The vibration of their pain will affect us in some way or other. We experience their vibration in our hard times. We may not remember the past incident, but their vibration causes a feeling of discomfort in us. A person’s past negative actions haunt him and give him mental agony equal to the agony he has given to others. We mostly blame the planets and situations for our difficulties but in reality, it is our past karmas which become an obstacle for our success in life.
Each person has an aura surrounding him and it is based on his mentality. If a person is positive minded then he has a bright aura around him. If a person is negative minded then he has a dark aura around him. A person with much past negative karmas will have a dark aura around him. A person with positive karmas becomes a noble minded and an ardent devotee of God. However, this will not nullify the negative karmas done by him in the past. This is the reason behind a good person suffering in life. In the same way, if a person with much negative karmas has done a few positive karmas, then he experiences the fruit of those positive karmas in the present birth and this is the reason behind a negative minded person experiencing all the comforts in life. The present birth and the mentality are based on the average of the past karmas. Any karma either positive or negative will give its result when it matures, which means when it find its apt circumstances.
In my view, only spirituality helps to deal with the result of our karmas. Instead of brooding over the failures in life, a positive minded person will use his incredible power to change the future to success by performing good karmas at present. A positive minded person will have the courage to face the failures in life. Therefore, fate is our own creation and not the creation of God or circumstances.
THE PSYCHOLOGY OF CORRUPTION AND BRIBERY
Corruption and bribery are injustice that shakes the society in many ways. Corruption and bribery suppresses the talent and encourages ‘do anything’ attitude in the society. Corruption and bribery erases the real value of the competition among the talented people. If there is no value for competition then what is the need for competition? Mostly all the fields are subject to corruption and it is very dangerous when corruption creeps in the field of medicine.
Corruption and bribery shows the ‘not-content, not-enough’ attitude in a person which results in greediness. The mind of such a person always rests in the mood of lack, which subsequently attracts more loss for that person. It need not be the loss of money alone; loss may result in loss of health, prestige, peace of mind, social status, sickness in the home, in business etc. One may not feel the loss immediately, but gradually it leads to heavy loss for that person in some way or other. Life is not money alone, loss of peace of mind and health are the greatest loss. Life is a combination of many aspects and loss in any one aspect will affect the person adversely. A person involved in corruption will not be able to bear the loss physically or mentally.
Attaining wealth in wrong ways leads to mental and physical disease, guilty complex, hidden fears and insomnia. People involved in corruption are stealing from themselves peace of mind, health, joy, and happiness. People involved in corruption and bribery fail to think about themselves or the consequences. They think only about the money. Even though they are intelligent and powerful, they tend to constantly hide their mistake and continue to live in fear.
Corruption and receiving bribe are only a feeling that it might not be enough for us. It stimulates greediness in a person. A person indulged in corruption ignores any advice given to him regarding corruption and he refuses to earn wealth otherwise. The mood of fear and lack in him attracts in more feeling of lack and the result is he never feels contended in any manner.
Physically the feeling of lack and fear causes contraction of muscles and mucus membranes which results in acute sinusitis problems. Medication gives only temporary relief. It can lead to heart diseases also. Corruption corrupts the personality and it devalues that person. A person involved in corruption can never climb the ladder of merit.
In my view, corruption and bribery affects the society as well as the individual. A person involved in corruption is not aware of both these effects. Giving bribe is an equal offense like accepting bribe. A person with merit never respects or recognizes giving or receiving bribe.
Self- reliant and self- respect have deep relationship and the relationship is not explicit. People who respect the self and disallow others to take advantage of them are the people who become independent in all aspects of life. Total independence means independent physically, mentally and financially. In my view, financial independence is the final decision, prior to that one must be physically and mentally independent to become a perfect self-reliant person.
Many people ignore physical and mental dependence. In fact, many are not aware of this dependence. People demand help from others thinking that it is their right to demand help from others. They forget the fact that by demanding physical help from others they are becoming dependent on others without their own knowledge. This is physical dependence. Likewise, many people are dependent on others ideas. They hesitate to take decisions of their own. In the name of consultation, they depend on others to take their decision. They depend on others advice and they fail to use their thinking capacity and they feel more comfortable with others ideas. This is mental dependence. Least importance is given for independence of thoughts. When we depend on others, the dependent person becomes weak and the helping person becomes powerful. When we become dependent, we lose our power to be self-reliant and gradually it reduces the self-respect. Being independent means it is not to ignore or disrespect others views and ideas. It means to give priority to our views and at the same time considering others views with equal respect. One must know to balance between the two.
In many homes, women are more dependent on others, especially mothers. They are dependent on other family members. They always take a back seat and they even hesitate to give their own views. They hesitate to take care of themselves. They feel that it is selfishness to care of themselves. This is a wrong notion. Only a self respecting mother can teach a child to become self- reliant. Some women allow themselves to be treated like a doormat and they blame others for their condition. It is true that some family situations cannot be avoided; however a large part lies on the ignorance of the concerned person and failing to establish the right as a human being. It is not a sacrifice to ignore ourselves. Instead, it is a sin. When we ignore ourselves, we are ignoring the divine power in us. Sacrifice is something that when we give it to others they will gain by it. When we give our self-respect, we lose it and others will not gain by it.
There must be clear priorities in life. We must know our priorities then only life becomes useful. Helping others and getting help from others are common in life and it improves our relationship with others. However, it should not leave us in the dark. If we lose our self-respect we cannot become self-reliant, this leads to frustration and depression, and at one stage we will show displeasure to the same people whom we have helped or from whom we have received help. One must realize the purpose and importance of life. Every individual is born with a definite purpose and a person who realizes this will succeed easily.
Art of communication is very important to maintain a relationship. Any relationship is an exchange of energy and communication plays an important role to make the bondage stronger. Words are an expression of thoughts and feelings. There are times when we fail to express the feelings through words. Sometimes we purposely speak contradictory to our thoughts. Sometimes we exactly express our thoughts. Whatever way we choose to express, our relationship with any person is established through communication. Hence utmost importance is given for communication.
One can improve the communication skills at any point of time in life. Our words reflect our experience in life. If we have experienced a decent and sophisticated life, then our communication reflects it. Suppose, we have experienced a painful life, then our communication reflects that too. Moreover, our communication reflects our culture and values in life. When the thoughts are less, the words are also less. When the words are less it enhances the inner energy.
When we go through the greatest epic Mahabharata, we will be able to notice mainly four types of communication which are very common in life.
Dheenadha – this is the manner in which the King Dhiridhrashtra communicates. This type of communication highlights only the negatives in life. They fail to see the positive side of life. Those people always thing about the emptiness in life. Too much of attachment towards life prevents them from seeing the achievements in life. The result is they are left only with complaints and dissatisfaction. They are too interested in finding fault with others, by that they hide their own mistakes. Their possessiveness prevents them from adjusting with others. Their communication is filled with worries, complaints and criticism. Naturally others may reject their company. Their mind is weak due to over expectation and fear and it is well reflected in their words.
Durabhimanada – this is the manner in which King Duryodhana communicates. This type of communication reflects their dominating mind. Through thoughts and words they want to control others. They are commanding and authoritative. They strongly believe that their ego as the Supreme and due to this they find it uncomfortable to even communicate in a pleasing manner. They take others for granted. Normally people try to avoid their company because their words always hurt others. They fail to listen to others words and the communication is always one way. Such type of communication worsens any type of relationship because there is no space for others to live together. Their ego is too big to accommodate any other person. They always view others as smaller than their own personality.
Nisheyadha – this is the manner in which Dronacharya communicates. People who communicate in this manner always look for safe corner. They always hesitate to communicate. They are too protective and they never interfere in anyone’s business fearing that blame or responsibility may fall on them. They never express their views in public. They have very low Self esteem about themselves and due to this they even hesitate to think, assuming in mind that their ideas are not worth and it may be rejected or ridiculed. Any relationship becomes stronger by sharing and giving. If someone fails even to share the ideas, then there is no point in communicating with them. One must live up to the situation and share the ideas as and when needed by kind useful words.
prajodanadha – this is one of the most perfect way to communicate and it is in this manner Bishmacharya communicates. The communication must be always inspirational and it must always be helpful for others to take positive decisions. Such people never talk about the weakness of others, at the same time they have the capacity to correct others mistakes by using proper words. Basically, such inspirational words come from the respectful thoughts they have for others. As said before, words are only expression of thoughts. Everyone likes to be present in their company.
Communication is the result of our own likes and dislikes. If the communication is too sharp then it is hated by everyone; if it is too blunt then everyone ignores it. In my view, communication skills have to be checked and improved to maintain relationships. The wound created by words takes time to heal than any physical wound. Our own world is created by words, and for that reason they have to be given utmost care else we will be surrounded by loneliness. Communication has the power to make or destroy our own world.
Success is very important because only then positive values come to light; but is it good to ignore values to attain success. Will the success have any value without positive values? In the modern world, success is given prior importance and values take a back stage. In the modern life, to succeed in all situations is more important than to follow one’s own values. “….keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny”, Mahatma Gandhi. Almost in all fields, in today’s time, positive values are not given importance. In the educational field, which is ought to be the basic field of development for the country, education is like high profile business. Degrees are attained by students through improper channels. What is the value of such degree? Can a mere degree without in-depth knowledge in the subject bring development or real success to that person? In the agricultural sector, people target the demands and not the quality. This leads to multiple side effects and various health disorders. The quality of the product is taken for granted. Even in the medical profession, somehow the patients are treated and money is grabbed from them. An individual is respected for the money and not for the real being. So, in almost all the fields, positive values take a back stage. Somehow, everyone wants to succeed in their chosen field. In my view, everyone is born here with an ambition to succeed, but a success without any value is just another form of failure. A nation as a whole cannot succeed without a hard earned success. Such undignified successes pull down the nation as a whole.
A life without any values is the root cause for all kinds of corruption and malpractices. Each individual has to lead their life according to their own positive values to make a nation successful. To compete in this world normally one ignores others feelings and emotions. It is better to remain as a person with failures than to achieve success without any values, because only a valuable success lasts long. Success becomes useless and senseless when achieved by other means like bribing others or by influence and so on. A successful person without any values will not have the needed knowledge to meet the required demands of that field and in the end he will be an unsuccessful person. In the modern world, what is more ridiculous is, an individual following his own positive values is disrespected and ridiculed by others, and he is considered as an unsuccessful person. If he does not follow the trend of the world, by respecting his values, then he is considered as a dull witted person. If one does not stick to the values at all times, then they cannot be considered as values. If one can attain anything by any means, then that success will not help either that individual or the society in due course of time. Success achieved without any values changes the meaning of success itself.
Life itself is a matrix for relationships. There are various types of relationships in one’s life. Relationship with parents, siblings, friends, enemies, teachers, boss, partners, neighbors and the list goes on. Success in life depends on the way we maintain these relationships. Each relationship plays an important role in different stages of our life. The manner in which we relate to our relations are not constant. It changes according to our personal development, status and mentality. At one stage our relationship with the parents are of prior importance, at another stage with the friends, at another stage with the partner and it changes at different periods in life. It is rare and difficult to maintain a constant relationship with a person throughout the life. The way we maintain our relationship makes all the difference. Some relationships we respect, some we ignore, some we pamper, some we insult, with some we take revenge and so on. Our emotions play an important role in maintaining a relationship. The experiences of the relationships form a deep impression in the mind and this leads to karma. Therefore, life is all about maintaining the relationship.
Every day we involve in various activities and we happen to relate to various types of people. Each relationship has their demands and one has to meet with that demand. The way we relate to different people changes every moment. We cannot relate to people at home in the same way we relate to people at the work place. Even in the work place we have to relate to the colleagues at different levels. With some we have to obey, with some we have to assert, with some we have to request and so on. Therefore in a day the mind has to constantly tune according to the people we relate to. If we fail to tune, the relationship also fails. This gives an extra strain to the mind. The efficiency to maintain the relationship makes all the difference. The quality of our relationships decides the quality of our life.
The basic of any relationship is a certain need. We always demand and expect from our relationships and this expectation causes all the trouble. We make friends, we marry, we have children, we make official and social relationships and so on with a single idea and expectation that these relationships will make us content and happy. When this fails the relationship also sours. In my view, any relationship will flourish when we share our happiness with others. For this one must be a content and happy person himself. Only then he can share his happiness with others. Instead, when one tries to extract happiness from others, slowly the relations try to distance themselves from us. The relationship begins to move apart. Failure in expectation of happiness results in abuse, insult, physical and mental torture, revenge and so on. In pursuit of happiness we make relationships and when we do not find contentment and happiness from others, we break with them.
If there is no sense of joy or happiness within us, we try to extract that happiness from others, and others try to extract it from us. The result is strain, confusion and tension. A person will be content only when he turns inside by meditation. If he always focuses on the worldly activities, he gets more frustrated by his experiences in the world. No one will be interested in a person who always shares his worries and problems, and shows his negative emotions on others. The people who are close to us are more defensive to us than the other people. This happens because we expect more from people who are close to us. This expectation is the main cause for failure in relationships. The way we maintain a relationship depends on our personality. A calm and serene minded person always maintains perfect relationship with everyone in spite of different situations and demands, and spirituality helps one to attain this mentality.
Severe punishment whether physical or verbal is a rude practice, but it is widely practiced without the knowledge of the depth of insult and hurt it causes to the person it is imposed on. Young kids to elderly people, regardless of the age and gender are subject to such arrogant and senseless practice. Punishments are imposed on people to correct them while doing mistakes and children are mostly punished so that they will not repeat the mistakes out of fear, or they will excel in studies due to fear of punishment. Whatever the reason be, fear is created in the mind of others by punishment. How can fear, which is a negative emotion, give a positive result without doing damage to the person it is imposed on? If the punishment is imposed on children, the damage it causes is more severe. Mostly punishment is imposed on others not only to correct others, but the people who have authority are inefficient to control their emotion of anger. People whom they think superior take revenge, satisfy their ego, and show their arrogance on others in the name of punishment. If punishment is imposed only to correct others then why do they fail to select other methods which are more sensible? People with authority fail to control their emotions, they show it on people who are at the receiving end. People with authority may be teachers, parents, elders in the family, bosses or one who have the authority to implement the law. Mostly children are the prey to this barbaric act.
What is the motive behind punishment? Severe punishment cannot make a person understand their mistakes. The physical hurt and mental insult caused to the person by punishment, will make the person weaker. In course of time it only boosts his ego, either positively or negatively. The insult one experience by punishment makes that person either take revenge at the later stage in life or make him a suppressed and dull person. His suppressed emotions will burst in an unexpected way. A disturbed mind will always disturb others. It will definitely take revenge on the people who imposed him severe punishment. Punishment may refrain him from doing one wrong, but indulge in other mistakes. People who have responsibility or authority must have the capability to make others understand their mistakes. Physical or mental torture will only worsen the situation. The scar of punishment never leaves the person’s mind, and it will react in all the negative ways possible. Corrective methods must be imposed in the most decent and dignified way, without causing the least damage either mentally or physically to the people who receive it. Physical torture and harsh verbal insults must be strictly avoided. Any law is respected in the way it is implemented. Human feelings must be given prior importance while implementing the law. Fear or deep insult never corrects a person. It only boomerangs in a negative manner.